my mouth tastes like poor choices
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
