bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
