i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
