Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
