you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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