I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
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