so that wasnt chicken after all
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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