Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize