You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
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She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
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The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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