Have you finally orgasmed yet?
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
