you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
