1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
