my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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