nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
