its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
