We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Randomize
