9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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