You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
