life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
