oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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