white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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