I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I have fence marks all over my body
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
