My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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