Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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