my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
