what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
