look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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