No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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