i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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