i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Randomize
