I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
It's shark week go big or go home
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize