I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs