Well douche your snatch and let's go!
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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