my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
