I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
