honey bunches of taint.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
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