so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
