Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Panties = found
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
