'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
