bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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