some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
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