I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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