Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Randomize