THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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