She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
