It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
