i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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