this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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