Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
