I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
