i dont even know how to be here
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Randomize
