i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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