Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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