hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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