You can't special order awesome
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
