I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
