Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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