why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
