Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
