He disabled his match.com account in front of me
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
