You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
