i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
