Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
