I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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