I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I have aggressive nipples.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
