Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
do herpes really smell.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
