Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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