just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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