Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
