please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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