OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
