just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
