Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
it was like eating out sand paper
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
