She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
