There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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