Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
