so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
